I love you Jacob... warning: depressing post

This is our shep mix, Jacob.

I have been having a hard time (well, we all have) because Jakey is having problems with his hind end,

he is dragging his feet and many times doesn't know he is going to the bathroom.

(#2 mostly, thank goodness 'cos it is way easier to clean up)

I have done EVERYTHING,

I have tried EVERYTHING,

and NOTHING works,

or makes him better.

I have spent a countless amount of time and money at the vet,

but no one can tell us for sure what he has going on.

The only conclusion is that he has the mylopathy or neuropathy that sheps get that effects their back end,

what most people think is dysplasia.

It is so sad.

And extremely difficult to deal with.

I feel totally lost, I am at the point where I can't even think straight, let alone make any more decisions.

And in the past week or two, he has gotten worse. He has been leaning and more wobbly.

Luckily, he doesn't seem to be in any real pain, maybe some discomfort and definitely weakness.

But still, my heart is breaking because I know what this means.

It means I can't fix him.

It means that he will most likely have to say goodbye to him before he is an old man (even though he looks old and we don't really know for sure, he is probably around 8).

I know it is not right now,

and not tonight,

or tomorrow,

but most likely sooner than later.

And that crushes me.

We have had Jacob going on 6 years,

we "unintentionally" rescued him when Andy found him skinny, scruffy and beat up wandering around the state beach he was working at.

We think someone threw him (maybe literally) out on the highway...

We thought he was old, and we were supposed to just "hold onto him" until someone claimed him.

They were going to put him down.

So in that sense, he has been alive much longer than if he was left to another fate.

But my heart still hurts.

Everyday I have to watch him get worse and struggle (although I am not sure he fully realizes it because he still wants to run around and does a pretty good job of it).

And he gets weaker.

I am so sorry for this horribly depressing post, but I just had to let it out.

I went to school for herbal medicine,

I have done everything that I can,

but it still doesn't seem like enough.

Jacob is the sweetest,

most gentle,

most amazing rescue we could ever have dreamed of finding

(even when we weren't looking, ha ha ha!)

And he has a wonderful life here.

I am so proud of how he has grown here with us.

He came from being a dog that was fairly aloof to being a snuggly, loving, food begging dog. (thanks to our other pup, Veda)

He is sweet,

he doesn't bark, in fact, he would be the worlds worst guard dog,

he is good with kids,

new people in the house,

other dogs,

our bird (he is scared of her and she is only about 9 inches).

I love him so much.

I wish I could fix everything.