Solstice glow approaching

Every day grows a little shorter. The deep night's darkness lingers longer in the mornings and falls heavier and swifter come late afternoon's twilight. These are the times of hibernation, of restoration. Of quiet and insight. I can't help but feel a spark of magic when gazing out on that oblique and golden burnished glow stretching across the land in front of me. I always feel a little joyous and comforted, like I am the one being wrapped in that savory incandescence.

In the stillness leaves crunch and twigs snap as I take each step. Each step is precious contact with the sleepy ground, rising and heaving in places where there is moisture and the cold air hits. It is a combination of folklore and science, this sacred time of year. And as the air thickens, what would normally be rain crystalizes and turns white. I can feel my senses heighten and my thoughts turn inward. I already have my thermos stashed in one of the water bottle pockets in my pack. It is filled with ginger tea that I spent an hour simmering, then mixed with honey. To keep the fire in my soul aflame. I will find a spot to sit and enjoy this simple, soul warming libation.

And it is simple things like this that stir me. They gently nudge me awake and give me bright inspiration for the day. No matter the day, I am ready for the Solstice. I am ready for the dawn of that short day that signifies the end of one years cycles and begins the excitement of what is to come. Each dawning of a new day, each evening as that Solstice glow approaches. An infinite cycles continues on.

Until then, I will sit out in the fresh air, and think and smile and breathe. I will feel the deep slow inhale as my heartbeat slows and steadies itself, then exhale, watching a steamy cloud of hot breath reach out into the world. One more way to connect me. I will enjoy the four-legged (and one 3-legged) beasts sprinting around me playing, sniffing, exploring the scene before settling down nearby to demolish a stick or just sit by me and observe the world around. I appreciate their closeness, their bond with me and mine with them. This is our sacred space. Maybe our spot is out on top of the hill, above the treeline, on top of a giant boulder left behind from a glacier's travels to the sea. Maybe it is sitting on a fallen tree across marshy land or along the swamp trail that winds its way through a magical place that shows a fine balance between life and death and how one is nothing without the other.

These are the places where I sit and ponder and learn.

About the environment around me,

About the earth.

About connection.

About myself.

There is joy in this simplicity.

I always have my camera and sketchbook in my pack. Always. But sometimes there are just moments that I swear a for me only. I am alone in the time and space, like natures gift to me.

It is so good. I am humbled and honored.

We have been back from California going on 2 weeks now.

I am dreaming of the West Coast, Redwood forests and the moody Pacific nightly.

I think I may be in love...

With that said, I still haven't finished sorting through and editing the 1300+ photos I took while there and have since felt a bit overwhelmed about what to even share.

I also must admit that I am feeling a bit underwhelmed about being back.

I live in am absolutely gorgeous area, but am feeling a bit of wanderlust and like I didn't get enough of the magic while I was on the other coast, leaving something to be desired now that I am back.

Slowly, though, I am finding those moments.

The shimmers of light caught out of my peripheral.

The golden and fiery fields.

The moments that grab at my heart strings.

I like those moments.

I feel like my heart expands.

I can feel the energy swirling and swelling, like now I use it to breathe in place of my lungs.

Do you know that feeling?

.....

Evolve

On one of my many hikes out to a favorite swimming spot. After winding our way through a maze of paths laden with roots and rocks. Past a corridor of boulders left eons ago from glacial shift and melt. Where humans now hook themselves into harnesses and ropes, looking for hand holds, foot holds (whatever holds) in hopes to conquer the climb up each rock face. I think I have found my new "office space".

Hiking is, most often, meditation.

In between throwing the ball ahead for Mu and Margi to chase after and retrieve and looking back to make sure Veda is still trailing behind (she has slowed a bit at almost 13, but still keeps up like a champ!), my mind settles into the pace. My eyes look down at the soft, rooty earth laid out in front of me, there is an owl feather! Then they shift up, look at how the sun streams through branches in the pine grove... I can hear the highway in the distance. It is hard to believe anyone could cut through such a beautiful place to lay pavement and have vehicles whiz around. Instead I pretend I hear waves.

Then my mind drifts. Nature always has been and always will be my muse.
I think about the history of my creative endeavors. I think about all the things I love to do, to create, and all the things I would love to learn. I think about where I started, how I started and how my work has evolved.
Evolution is human nature.
It seems evolution is an art form.

And then I thought about how I do what I do (a question I actually get asked often). And I wonder: "Is this success? What DO I consider success?" (A difficult question to answer, for me at least)

I am so grateful to all of the people who have encouraged me over the years. All the people who have supported me,especially those who are friends and family and demanded to compensate me for my work, even though I would endlessly try to give it to them for free.

In thinking about my past work and where I am now, what I am creating and how I have evolved, I am thinking about what it means when we support handmade. Each time you buy an item from an artist you aren't just giving them some of your hard earned cash, you are telling them 3 things.

1. That you appreciate (value) and encourage their work.

2. That you believe in them.

3. That you anticipate the future of their creativity and seeing what their work evolves into.

This may not seem obvious, but it is true.
I couldn't have done it without all the wonderful people who have helped me evolve.
So, thank you.
I appreciate you, too.
I also look forward to seeing where my creativity leads me. This is my natural path.
And to me that is success.

How do you define success?


p.s. The hoodie above will be in the shop soon!!!

...You belong among the wildflowers...

*****Many things are hanging on the horizon.

Some near, some... Well, not so much.
Some days I feel like I can't contain myself,

But every day I take small steps.

It is hard to really realize sometimes, the steps I am taking, but they are going ever onward. I often create endless lists for myself of things "to do". Many days I am somewhat satisfied (apparently never fully satisfied) with what I accomplish, how much I accomplish, how fully I accomplish. But then, just as often, I get very few of these "to do" things done.

There is so much pressure I put on myself (I wonder, am I alone feeling this?), I have these- standards, shall we say- of what I expect of myself, masked as my perception of what I think society and other people think and expect of me.

But the bottom line is that none of it matters (I know, I know, easier said than done).

There is always going to be an ongoing list that can be compiled of the do's, don'ts, should's, could's, would's... The "to do" list can be endless!

But really, it doesn't matter.

I work on accepting this every day.

I work on enjoying the moments as they arrive, not stressing-especially the small stuff- and whatever I get done in the day is what was meant to be. It is hard, but I am happier and fuller for taking these steps.

I am so painfully human sometimes, but I have to remember to look at and listen to the natural world around me, imagining myself wild and free like those "weeds" blooming from the cracks in the pavement, or in a ditch, or even a beautifully manicured garden...
We are all wildflowers, remember.

So as the week begins and a new day approaches, enjoy it. Go out, do those things you have been wanting to do, the "need to's" can wait one more day!

*****

There are so many times that I feel overwhelmed and hold myself back.

Creativity can be this way.

I often feel completely overwhelmed with the choices and directions my art can go,
so much so that sometimes I just don't do anything.
It is an awful way to be.

Then I have to remind myself that I am not getting anywhere by being that way.

I just need to do, to make.

I can always try again if it doesn't come out right or if I decide I want to go in a different direction.

But it is hard to remember such things in the moment,
when I am inspired and defeated all in the same space of time.

Oy vey! The inner workings of my brain can be exhausting.

Mama mia! I can be my greatest benefactor and my worst enemy.

I wish there was an "easy button" for times like this.

Do you ever get stuck this way?

What do you do to get your self up and moving from such a stagnant place?

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...So, I have been feeling a bit unmotivated lately.

I don't know about you, but I find that when I stop or pause (for any length of time) from the creative process, there is a whole separate process that ensues when trying to delve back into the very core of creating.

This is where I am stuck. I am stuck here.

It isn't always as simple as sit down, get out supplies and go. It takes time, it takes thought, inspiration, movement, emotion, etc., and then maybe, finally I can get down to the actual thing: making, creating.

Sure, I could just make stuff, but to really get the "real deal" out of it I can't just throw my understanding of this process aside, muse has her own mind made up about how she wants to share her goods.

It is the core I am trying to get to, you see. The raw, unhindered core. Like when I was a child.

There is so much thought involved in adult creativity. Deep thought, surface thought, worries and doubts. I find I have to sift through a lot of that muck to get myself to a place where I feel free enough to really pull out what I am trying to share with the external world around me.

This is what I have come to understand through the years of my life and years of creating. Maybe it is only me.... Maybe others are less inhibited in this field and I just need to work on letting go of control a little bit. I want to find balance.

So my goal is to accomplish one creative thing a day. Even if that is just doing a little sketch, knitting a few rows on a current project or making an actual decision on what design I want to make into a screen for printing next... I grapple with indecision.

So for now I guess I will be focusing on what just makes me happy and sharing the beauty I see.

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